A long long time later.

Its been more than a year since I last wrote anything...and my life has changed and so have I. I'm curious to see if I still write the same way. I used to be quite abstract...
Off late I've found this capacity of mine to filter out anything I dont want to hear, subconsciously, a trait extremely useful in a few lectures. By filtering I mean complete blockage and no recollection whatsoever in this head of mine. Lets see where it takes me...
Anyway,I'm just telling myself that I'm back.

Readers Block

There are certain things that I just cant read...
1.Magazines regardless of the theme.
2.Non-fiction minus autobiographies
3.E-books
No matter how much i force myself I cant read more than one article in a magazine...any magazine...pictures excluded,I mean there is no continuity and its not like its a newspaper with information in brief and its not a book you can sink into...its sad whether its readers digest or cosmo or a tech journal,its a mental block for me...And books with no story are just as impossible...unlees ofcourse I have an exam the next day...And as regards e-books, staring at a motionless screen for half an hour,makes me plain sleepy...I wonder if there are others with same symptoms...

I diagnose myself with the readers equivalent of a writers block...

P.S God knows what all I'm missing out on...

Perfumed Music

I always thought the best way to listen to a familiar piece of music was to enjoy it drifting from a distance though a window or somewhere...and you can hear only faintly...just like a whiff of perfume.

The Happy Idiot

People often tell you not to be guided by anybody and to do what you really want to do and be original and different at it but what if you were guided by a parallel purpose for doing things in life...Let me give an example (and from here on this impersonal blog becomes personal)...I took up engineering to get into an engineering college (means) and didnt spend a lot of time thinking about the become-an-engineer part (purpose)...I wanted to have the funnest college experience ever and of course be in a comfortable place later on...So college was supposed to be my party and an engineering degree was supposed to be my cushion...and the life I enjoyed as a hosteler in a college like mine and the friends I made and the crazy things we did were all there in my plan...It was exactly my idea of college...BUT...now that college is getting over I have to find something else to do and here lies my problem. I cant find anything that has not already been done and in choosing to do something everybody else is doing I am being accused of unoriginality...I want everyone to know that there are always unconventional reasons for doing things and maybe at the outset these are the straightforward, typical, common,safe things to do but as long as I am happy, Let Me Be...The road less traveled may not be for me, I am just going to travel the old one my way, the Happy Idiot that I am and not think about keeping up appearances...

p.s This whole post has been for the sole purpose of negating something that was said about me,its a justification of sorts and may not make too much sense

Prime numbers: love to hate

Yet again in one of those passionate discussions about nothing, we realised that a lot of us hated prime numbers...i will go as far as saying that the world is divided between those who hate prime numbers and those who cant see what the big deal is about them...yeah yeah i know they're used for some secret coding work but for a majority of us, they're so irritating...even if they have one divisor that you overlook, your whole conclusion is wrong...pesky things those yet unavoidable...

but here's a different angle to it...from a book i read recently...

Prime numbers are what is left when you have taken all the patterns away.I think prime numbers are like life. They are very logical but you could never work out the rules, even if you spent all your time thinking about them.

IRONY

Ash Wednesday

That is the title of Ethan Hawke's book. I really did not expect too much from the hunk of an actor and was quite apprehensive about reading his book, but he turned out to be this real insightful and passionate writer and I fell in love with some of the 'insights'...here's wat I mean...his eyes were seeking affirmation."sitting there, in that church, looking at that same image of Mary that I'd gazed at so full of hope only the day before, I realised that prayers sre left unanswered for a reason.And that reason is: We have no inkling of what is good for us." or here's another... "The definition of grace is the ability to accept change" or.."It is better to be alone than to wish you were"...
and in the acknowledgements he thanks Quentin Tarantino and Uma Thurman...that made it cooler.

My life

Nostalgia is something I have suffered from all my life...and another painful habit of mine is to fall in love with everybody...it's not romantic love...it's just that i admire beauty and seem to find it in a lot of people and this beatles song captures all...
"There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more"

Anti diaries

I have always tried to maintain this venture as completely impersonal as possible...I see no point in collecting my life's happenings here or anywhere else...The memories in your head are hard enough to bear and strong enough to spring enough nostalgia. So why make it harder than it has to be by putting it into black and white and I say harder because retrospect glorifies everything, I will always miss my life in past tense...but wouldnt dare to fit it into a diary for fear of an insane attachment to my past...life is also about being strong enough to let go...

They're not here, they're not coming

Don Henley's solo album had this song which he says he wrote about aliens...That they're not here because maybe they dont want to come...Ever think of that?...we go about presuming to be the node of all life in this universe and that if ever a more intelligent species existed,they would want to make contact, that they would be as curious about us as we are sure to be about them. But what if they know about us and are'nt really interested...a tangent of a thought...

Peace among people

I think it was Virginia Woolf who said that there was peace among people...
According to this test I took recently which equated who you were to an illegal drug...this was what they told me..."You are Ecstasy (aka: MDMA, XTC, adam...). You are confused, you need everybody's support to feel secure, you like to be around people, you have your own fantasy world you run to every time you feel helpless. You are classified as class (A and B) illegal drugs."... and I think they were right and so was Ms.Woolf...like-minded souls or atleast ones who understand what you are about are what we need to be at peace...and at the same time you need to have for yourself a place of your own...an alternate reality...
It was an insightful Pete Townsend of The Who who said..."Gather your wits and hold on fast, your mind must learn to roam".

The Reflective- Refractive Theory

In one of those conversations about absolutely nothing we came up with this great insight about the way we interact with the world...
Our behaviour towards those around us can be generally channeled into two directions...reflective and refractive...
We are all mirrors at some level...we reflect feelings that are thrown out at us...love begets love...rancor begets rancor. All the social nuances in our behaviour are, to a great extent governed by our reflections i.e the reflective image of ours that we receive from the person in front of us..That's how we connect with people..with our images...
But like anything that is worth figuring out, it gets more complicated than that...we also perceive people in a more factual(for lack of a better word) way...The refractive image..the one our eyes see physically (or the lenses 'refract'..sorry for sounding geeky)... The objective way of looking at our relationships...black or white...good or bad...by absorbing all the 'vibes' that we receive and turn it into an inventory of images inside our head we behave with people the way we do...Impulses are just vibes...We are, after all, what we think...

Living in a movie

If you've ever sat by yourself listening to some classical piano or any of the background scores from Hollywood...and watched the world go by...you might have experienced this strange feeling of being a character out of a movie...and that everyone is watching you and the music's playing in the background...and you're the centre of the universe.It may seem a little self-indulgent but the conciousness that follows is something worth experiencing...like you have a window seat on the world...It's one of those things that can be classified as solitary pleasures...but watching yourself like you were in a movie is a way of disconnecting yourself from the world...just drifting by... among people...something we all feel like doing once in a while...where you dont have to answer all your calls...you can choose to ignore some...and ofcourse...when the music's over...turn out the lights...eh...turn on the lights in this case...

God in Heaven, all's right with the world

Reality need not be the only choice we make in life.
There is a dimension to life that isnt just right and wrong or real and unreal...it floats over the obvious, apparent reality that is seen, but not felt...You know that strange feeling that we all experience when we are in wonder of something that seems larger than life, when we feel our Self completely overwhelmed,at one with the world, some call it experiencing God, imagine if we were to feel that way all the time...we can choose to live in there...
When you become aware of all the strange coincidences that happen, when intuitions prove right, when words or names follow you and you suddenly realize that everything that happens is related in some way...those extremely improbable things are capable of giving you the hope that there might be a choice between reality and this strangely real, self-sustaining world of thoughts and dreams...you can traverse into this magical dimension...where there is always hope...for the simple reason that the rational doesnt exist...but you have to watch out for it...Here, no matter what happens, everything is all right with the world all the time...merrily,merrily,merrily, life is but a dream...

But there is always a BUT

Why is it that when someone is describing something nice, you're always waiting for them to say 'BUT so and so is whats wrong'...like nothing can ever be nice by itself...there has to be a catch somewhere...can never be too good to escape the 'but'...

Bursting Balloons

Was watching a little kid play with balloons at a party...he was having a ball...he left them momentarily...when he got back he found that someone had burst all of them...poor kid...did'nt have a clue...and i thought to myself...
Thats what keeps happenning to us all our lives...someone keeps bursting our balloons when we're not watching...Kid...get used to it...